Battling Depression and Anxiety, by Laryalee

I wrote these while going through a spell of depression and anxiety.
I hope they hold a message that is basically positive --
that the battle can be won!

Depression's Journey - Guilt

"I've tried to do my best!" This scorching cry
I feel inside brings tears and rage. I've worked,
I've loved, I've cared. And I've screwed up, but not
because I wanted to. Yet guilt's become
a burning ache I'm certain I deserve.

The echoes from my youth are strong, entrenched
in punishment and words of doom - "You're bound
for hell." But even though I once rebelled,
I've tried to choose the right from wrong. My pain
is self-inflicted now...it's time to stop.

Erasing years of guilt is not a task
accomplished overnight. So patiently,
I'll scrub it, word by acid word. And when
a fresh new hope has spilled its light across
my mind, I'll turn...and leave the past behind.

Depression's Journey - Anxiety

A snake-like coil of pressure grows and writhes
inside of me. Throughout my body, nerves
are darting as they seek escape - but there's
no place for them to go. My breaths are short
and tight; my stomach claws at sharp-edged grief.

In desperation, I implore my mind
to overcome this pain. A squad of thoughts
comes charging out; they falter, then collapse
in disarray. I wish that I'd been taught
the signals that would force them to obey.

Solutions wait. I'll look for help; design
a plan. A quiet hope persists - I must
go on...I just don't know how long the war
will take. Determination swirls: I won't
give in! I'll fight this enemy - and win!

Depression's Journey - Despair

A blanket, thick and heavy, folds across
my frail existence. Light is ebbing, far
beyond my reach. I'm lost. There's no one near
to hold; no comfort for the emptiness
that eats my soul. My world is lifeless, numb.

Eternal winter lurks - its chill embeds
an off-key song that plays its mourning, harsh
and grating, through the chambers of my heart.
Past moments filled with warmth and love I once
embraced now mock the deepness of my cries.

A candle flickers in the distance - such
a tiny glow, it can't be worth my while
to follow. Wait a minute! What a fool
I am! The smallest spark is better than
this total dark. I slowly take a step...

Blank verse:

Auras Lost

Battling Depression

To Know Forever

Only the Lilacs Know

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